For the God Whom I Hate So Much
by Allen x Lenalee - Leone Brion
Summary: Komui Lee didn't make it to the Order until she was long gone away as a rogue exorcist. It was too late. Too late for him to reunite with her. Too late for him to smile genuinely once more. And too late for him to turn back. DGM AU: Alternate Lenalee-centric. Hesitant pairings. Under intense development!
1. Prologue

**A/N, EDIT: SAT 05/06/2017:** This is the first half of the first chapter. I deleted the original prologue.

 **\- Prologue -**

* * *

Way up in the clouds, a young girl hovered over all the trees of an Austrian forest. The blue, bright sky and the white, bright clouds as her background brought a refreshing look to her usually soft but now perturbed features. Her feet and arms facing downwards—locking straight and stiff. She allowed her Dark Boots to aggressively descend her into the forest below. The young girl regaining control in the nick of time before touching the ground.

Deactivating her innocence after finally landing, she immediately rolled herself in mud with a speck of hope that it'll conceal her scent from that thing following her any further. Rubbing the mud all over her clothes and a little over her face. She wouldn't give a dime back to those wicked people because of the mess she made of the pricey, exclusively tailored black and white uniform she wore. Despite the designer being such a kind and friendly fellow—he was one of them.

With the dragged out moment in time of waiting, bringing her torture even before being in the hands of her enemy, she barely allowed herself to breathe. The breaks she made of her holding her breath consisted of steadily breathing in and her exhales hitching out shallowly.

Shifting over to a tree with an excess of leaves at every end of the root of it as quietly as possible, Lenalee hid behind the bush in an additional attempt at assuring her survival. She waited and waited some more, her own body turning humid with the added amount of stress the immediate sight of that thing caused her. It barely gave her a chance at clearing her head. If it wasn't for her covering her mouth, her heavy breathing would've surely been the end of her by the hands of the predator tearing down trees in search for her.

She harshly patted down her head, blinking away the tears she felt sting her eyes. She thought to herself, "What to do? What to do?" Yet, she couldn't figure out what exactly needed to be done, the added on torture egging her breakdown on further.

However, to a shocking degree even to her, that thing apparently just couldn't find her—her assuming being its inability to track her down without the use of its sight—and it just, retreated in a flash.

When the intensity of its search for her came set in stone for prolonged antagonizing moments, Lenalee was just anticipating what the monster was going to do when it indeed found her. She never thought of herself as lucky—persistent maybe in the few days she had to her own of rediscovering herself as a rogue exorcist but separately as Lenalee Lee—but never lucky. Maybe then however, her living to see the next day was presumably out of sheer dumb luck. Especially since Akumas and that thing had been chasing her relentlessly for almost an hour. Never in fact consciously estimating her mental capacity either, so she surprised even herself when she was able to actually outwit her pursuers.

She never knew just how passionate she was.

Though recently, she was out of options when she concluded that only the bulky, terrifying thing was left for defeat. She couldn't find the courage—or energy—to confront it. That was when she knew it was about time for her demise.

She put up a good fight at least.

Again, she was never struck with a lick of luck, not in her whole life before now; thinking back on how her life played out stressed her unnecessarily further.

Yet, before her negative mind fully took over once more, she found herself subtly celebrating her victory against the thing then hunting her down, with a long, breathy, hot sigh escaping her lips and also with a low, "thank goodness." An almost overwhelming feeling of knowing that there was the occurrence of tipping the scale over to where that demon may never find her ever again brought the same amount of joy she felt when she first escaped that place that brought the end of her beforehand.

If she had a more twisted sense of humour, she'd think her faith was restored.

Hilarious.

It was an understatement to simply say that she enjoyed the moment of peace with herself though.

Her eyes narrowing at one single thought piercing her mind the next...

Bitterly, just as quick as she began celebrating beating the odds of her dying, Lenalee turned deathly afraid again of a subconscious threat that took over her thoughts. She began wondering what could've been, would've been, and even what should've been—her facing off with that thing before it succeeding in finding her itself, her finishing it off, or it finishing her; either or being better than waiting for death once again.

In a torrent of "what ifs" striking her mind one after another, Lenalee began hyperventilating. Lenalee began crawling away at her scalp. A infestation of bad memories and pessimism taking over her being. Something that she hoped she would've been spared of this time.

Her mind dragging her conscious over to the memory of her unison to Dark Boots, allowing her to ponder over what would've happened if she didn't have them.

Falling backwards and onto her behind abruptly, she began to shake uncontrollably. Banging her head against the tree. Moreover in that instant, she wanted the nightmare to end as soon as it started again. Her sadistic subconscious bringing her back to the red images of her complete memory of that time. Instantaneously turning her wistful.

She was already so tired, so tired of it all. Exhaustion already overpowering her consciousness.

* * *

 **-End of Prologue-**

 **A/N** : Hi! This has been a story I've been developing for Lenalee for over a month. I'm very tempted to make this an Allen x Lenalee story or a LaviLena story because the story would work well if it were to become one too or a gen fic focused mainly about her. (Although, Allen does play a rather big role in her life in this.) So far I've been biased in making this an Allen x Lenalee story since I feel like there aren't many good multi-chaptered fics about these two together and when there is, they're rarely done plus Allena's more of my OTP than LaviLena (which I'm sure has even less good fics about the two, that's why I have more fics for LaviLena in developing right now). I'mma still think about it, and I'll probably not take any suggestions.

Anyways, I hope this was good. Please comment, vote and share please!


	2. Chapter One: Shoes Are Your Friends

**\- Chapter One: Shoes Are Your Friends -**

* * *

Glass and smashed wood smoothed over the ground and mixed with the dirt she had the misfortune of running over was what caused her so much pain after the adrenaline in her body subsided. It was hinged in her skin and sank into her muscles. At the sight of blood, the six year old little girl lying against a destroyed home began crying, though saving the loudness of it when she closed her hands over her mouth. She never thought she'd get over her resentment of shoes until now.

She should've listened to mother.

"Lenalee! Lenalee!" A familiar voice called for her miraculously the tenth time, bringing her more grief. Prying her eyes open despite the tears stinging them, she began promptly searching for the familiar. She drew her knees up and tried to put weight on her mangled feet until the fiery sensation of the glass weighing into her struck and caused her to collapse back down.

As the tears silently fell onto the ground beneath her, she grasped onto her swollen shins and grimaced. Muttering, "ow, ouch," repeatedly, feeling the blood ooze out as more of her body swelled turning her practically incapable of running anymore. As a matter of fact, her whole body was aching and bruised and battered due to the attack.

A piece of wood had landed on top of her fragile head large enough to knock her out cold and left her to awake to red. Scary looking flames were getting ready to devour her and left her skin pained and disfigured.

She cried then, loudly, ignorant to what terrors were hiding behind the fire then.

Abruptly, her cry was heard and a large man whisked her away off her bare feet and from the flames to a cool and damp place where other dark figures were. The moonlight shone on them giving their outfits color and Lenalee found that their appearances weren't as terrifying as it seemed in addition to the whole ordeal. They smiled sincerely at her, quickly rummaging through their bags for something.

The man cloaked in black, white and what seemed like a spiky blob of sliver on his left breast then sprinted away from the scene, leaving her with the men dressed in light brown.

"You're terribly hurt, young one. Please, let me help you," one spoke gently to her then, the hint of femininity in his tone and touch helping her feel more at ease. Wrapping the bandages around her as delicately a man of his build could, she could've blinked away the tears in her eyes until she heard the cry of the man whom was calling for her yet again. Instead, her tears fell.

Swiftly and naively, Lenalee was out of the older man's arms and running into the forest, heading back to the village engulfed in flames.

Thus, that was how she ended up crunched up in a upright fetal position against the remains of a wall of a house whimpering softly to herself and letting her tears sting the burns of her face. The bandages then wrapped around her limbs and exposed skin was burnt off. Dark ashes smeared all over her legs, arms, cheeks, and neck. Her almost ear length raven hair possibly looking natural by now. Well, if it weren't for the ulcers covering parts of her scalp. The ulcers producing the consistent twinges of pain she felt, which was unattended to at the moment with the usual excessive pats of her head because of her distractedness, not known to her that the smoke emitting from it had finally calmed down. Aches of her chest due to her heart pounding so restlessly against her ribcage was what distracted her from her sizzling head instead. Her face red and hot; surely she was going to pass out from all the stress a person, a child shouldn't have to go through. In between sobs, she breathed in quick and exhaled hard. Yes, she surely was going to pass out. Despite that, she was going to be okay with it. Just to escape the nightmarish reality she currently was in.

The shrill screams of terror caused by the monsters she endured and outran to nowhere rung throughout her sensitive young ears making her want to tune it all out, but couldn't. Petrifying the child further.

Alas, her fragile little brain couldn't allow her to imagine what was truly happening in the thick smoke flowing in the air. She hugged her knees tight, pulling them closer to her when she saw fire creep towards her. Her cries in between harsh coughs raised in volume, calling for her brother—the man who was calling her for the eleventh time in return—for anyone really. Murmuring in pain as more tears obviously stung her wounds as if that was the most pain she felt as of now.

Sobbing and stammering in her utterances of distress, Lenalee shut her eyes tightly.

Yet in that instant, opening her puffy red eyes again, an angel was coincidentally standing before her dressed peculiarly in a blue Chinese Changshan. Without a second thought, he jumped into the inferno and scooped her up from the debris.

Grabbing a fistful of familiar, long hair, she recognized that he was the same man who was calling for her. Giving her the same tenacity she had to smash through each and every brick wall slammed down before her. Seeing that only one man alive she'd admit gave her that strength.

"Big brother Komui." She whispered hoarsely, tears rolling down her cheeks, dripping down her chin and onto his shoulder.

He meant to pat her head apologetically for not coming sooner (and she would gladly reply telling him that they were safe from the monsters chasing them from before), but the wounds left there that he knew some, if not most, were to likely leave scars on her head made him feel no longer worthy of acknowledgement anymore.

"I'm sorry, Lenalee." He uttered solemnly. He caught a sob in his throat. "I'm so sorry."

She smiled weakly, noticing that his tracks steadied. As he set her down onto a perched rock, she grabbed at his hand, not wanting to let go of him. "Big brother, you came back for me. I was so scared. Where were you?"

"I was, trying to... I was very scared too, Lenalee. I should've came sooner." He skipped something crucial that he was grateful Lenalee didn't quite catch.

"I heard your voice." She said coughing soon after, obnoxious sounds so wrong to come out her mouth. "But I couldn't find you. Where's mommy? I want to see mommy and daddy."

It was as if gravity had hit only his heart, drowning out any of the hope that was rekindled in him after finding her. Giving all of his courage to what he was going to say, he broke the news to her, never finding it easy to sugar coat things. "It was those things, that just came out of nowhere. I didn't know what to do. I tried to save them, but... It was too late."

Lenalee frowned, understanding all too well. Starting with broken sobs and a sharp inhale, her big eyes was glazed over with tears, and her big brother swore he saw her eyes already producing rivers. Her mouth was open, but nothing came out of it. Yet with the fluttering of her lashes just to let out a few more stray tears, a wail erupted from her. Lenalee was belching out a yell that echoed throughout the cave they were in.

Komui grabbed at her and pulled her to his chest. His anxiety rising with each loud cry. Desperately trying to shush her, however Lenalee wasn't cooperating.

And in an anxious moment later, those disfigured balls of destruction intimidated them once more.

Komui's eyes bulged at the things taking their immediate aim at him and his red fidgeting sister. Fear was the first emotion ensued. Until hatred was the one that struck every end of his nerves at the sight of those things. Mindlessly, he charged for the two set straight ahead in his vision, vengeance seeping through his feet and to the ground with stomps powerful enough to raise pebbles high from the ground as he trekked over to them.

Lenalee's cries being drowned out by his, making her sit up with a heavy chest, and then wide eyes.

She sniffled, wiping her tears that just kept coming as she pushed herself to get up. Nevertheless even in her heartbroken state, little Lenalee found it in herself to actually stand up after processing the even bigger ordeal. Onto her swollen shins, and onto her mangled feet with quiet whimpers. She couldn't afford the shallow steps she wanted to start with before steadily making her way over to her then already dead brother. Mustering up the will as Komui charged after the monsters before them, she charged after the only remaining loved one she had left in a desperate panic, screaming out his name as her tears flew behind her. Her heart beating fast but being blocked out by her prolonged shriek. Her pupils contracting with eyes more livelier than ever, more brighter than they've ever been.

A flash of baby blueish light swallowed her being when she courageously jumped ahead her big brother.

She woke up to light that provided a pretty warmth and a persistent soft breeze the next. Finding that she was in his arms, she cuddled herself closer with a smile. Assuming that it was all just a nightmare, she held her hands over her chest and sighed out of relief.

"Thank goodness, it was all just a terrible, terrible dream." She breathed.

Turning her head up to face him, Komui greeted her awakening with a relieved smile. "Good morning, Lenalee."

She replied merrily with a squeaky laugh, "good morning, big brother." Immediately, she took notice to the dried cuts and slashes evident on his face. "Oh no, you're hurt. Do you want a band-aid?" She then took in her surroundings, "wah, where are we? Why am I covered in these bandages? And wha-what happened to my hair?" She began to panic, on the verge of tears as she clutched onto her head, wincing at the pain that caused. "This isn't home, big brother. I want to be home. Take us home, please."

Komui frowned deeply, looking her in the eye recognizing how unfortunately naive she was to the situation. "Lenalee..." he started.

"Huh, this tree can't be that comfortable. Why are you stalling? Take me home, please! We can't sleep outside, mommy told me not to! If you're tired, then let's go sleep in our beds, big brother!" Lenalee cried.

"Lenalee, we can't go home."

Her eyes widened. Pausing, she then distinctly responded, "my body hurts." Tears slipping through her lashes and sliding down her cheeks one after another when she found pain with every movement she made to get from on top of him, and Komui painfully aware of why.

A sudden yelp from her at the sight of a man rounding the tree—covered from head to toe in a familiar pattern of black and white—averted Komui's attention to him lurking behind them, sending a shock through his mind for him to jerk enough awake, jump up with his little sister in his hands, and scurry.

And as the man ran straight after the two, an elder Lenalee was still sat upon the tree sleeping soundly.

She seemed peaceful in her slumber then. The shade covering her as a cool, comforting blanket would as if that particular spot were her bed. Her stature and unconscious expression would never make a person guess the torture going on in her mind as she recollected memories.

Leaving the girl kneeling in such a thuggish manner before the serene girl confused.

She tried everything—but not everything—to wake up the carefree girl. The fact that she wore the uniform of a Black Order exorcist—a distastefully familiar one—made it even more apparently strange for her. She waved her hands in front of her face, she snapped softly, she made funny faces and sounds in case for some particular reason she was faking her sleep. When she got no response, she reached out for her...

Eyelashes fluttering open, Lenalee bolted up from her position against the tree in the instant she was awoken and was greeted to a face not welcomed to be in close proximity to hers. Her sprinting away from that woman in an instant. She quickly came to a halt after gaining some distance, facing the woman dressed in the same tones as hers with a face full of determination and readiness.

Panicking, she waved her hands in defense, wailing loudly while trying to defend her supposed actions against her in a disordered, loud manner so she could hear her out. "Ah! Sorry about that! I didn't mean to wake you! I didn't know you were out on a mission either! Oh, and I'm intervening too! Goodness, I'm such a nusiance. I really should be going now then!" She tried skipping away like nothing had happened, but Lenalee's icy words—the first ever words she's spoken to her since their meeting years ago—chilled her enough to convince her to cease her attempted frantic escape. Clenching her fists and scoffing under her breath.

"Gwen Frail, what are you doing here?" Lenalee questioned, last recalling that she was out on a mission of her own somewhere not here the last time she was at headquarters.

"So you know my name, Ice Queen?" She queried, slightly flustered as she rubbed the back of her head.

"I know everyone at the Order by heart." Her cold, analytical demeanor processed everything then so skillfully. Now, in regards to her life she's recently reclaimed, she was only analytical.

"That's a shocker." She commented sarcastically to herself.

"What was that?"

Her attention struck back over to the younger and dangerous girl before her, "huh? OH! It was nothing! Nothing really! Hehahaha."

Lenalee turned her head away a bit with her eyes still locked on her. "I see..." Sizing her up, she reiterated, "why are you here?"

"I was out on a mission, yeah. Possible shard of innocence lurking about that land and now this land. They assigned me here because I was nearby. I lost my finder though." Gwen chuckled at the irony. "I must've kept on walking when she told me to stop for something. We're such a good pair, y'know, with me being so absentminded and her being so intensive. Hehahaha."

"That isn't something to laugh about. Stupidity isn't funny. You seem self-aware enough so use more of your common sense and try to notice your surroundings and the people you're with better." Lenalee lectured, remembering how bothered she was by the girl's carefree nature.

Gwen winced. "Ouch, mom. Harsh."

"I'm surprised more people haven't told you this. They're too nice for your sake. As an exorcist, you shouldn't be babied. As an exorcist, you need to face the harsh realities and adapt. As an exorcist—"

"I get it. I have to use my smarts more." She interrupted, annoyed (thus irritating Lenalee further). "As an exorcist, I have to devote my life to fighting Akuma to serve God's will. Even if I never wanted to be an exorcist in the first place. Even if in the end it'll be another reason why God sucks ass!" She shrieked, stomping her feet and flipping off the sky.

Lenalee kissed her teeth, annoyed at the immature elder girl she disliked even though she agreed with her. Just how many times has that childish, emotional attitude almost got the both of them killed? Gwen had a defensive type innocence but couldn't defend her or anyone else besides herself for anything. It's a wonder God chose her as an apostle.

What's even more ironic being if the girl received an ounce of criticism, it'd go in one ear and out the other. Therefore, the only thing she'd process was the offensive things you've said and quickly hop to _that_ defensive instead.

"God could choke on the Akumas' dick for all I care," continues Gwen.

Lenalee sneers.

 _Then again, she just needs more training._ Lenalee thought to herself, almost trying not to be judgmental when she started remembering all her failed or almost failed missions she's had with her.

Rustling of leaves killed their unpleasant conversation. Anxiety erupted inside Lenalee as she was curious but simultaneously scared of who else was lurking in the forest with them. Meanwhile a certain dim-witted person called out to the someone or something in the leaves. So sure of who exactly was it.

Abruptly, a woman in a light brown full body coat jumped out and decked Gwen right across the face. Her vein sticking out of her temple.

"Didn't I tell you to wait for me?!"

Gwen rubbed at her now swollen cheek. "I think so."

"You think?! I screamed that shit, moron! Oh my god! You're the dumbest person on this earth! How could you not hear that?! I feel sorry for whoever gets teamed up with you next time because it sure as hell won't be me with you're getting lost for the 30th time despite having a map dumb ass. Honestly, how the freak are you—" the finder glanced over to Lenalee, eyes widening not long after.

When the finder tugged Gwen up to her feet and forced her to turn around with her and show their backs to Lenalee, Lenalee raised a brow in confusion. Liking how the finder punched and screamed sense into the elder girl and just was curious—and disappointed—as to why she suddenly stopped.

It was when Gwen had glanced over her shoulder to make a shocked face at her that she put two and two together.

They both turned to face Lenalee, Gwen immediately asking her, "why are _you_ here, Ice Queen?"

 _How obvious_. It seemed like the finder didn't have much smarts either since she started off with that question first or rather, let the moron ask her that. She would've admired her forthright approach however if the circumstances were different.

Licking her lips, she decided to lie nonetheless, "I was on a mission as well and a heavy fight broke out so I guess I got a little too carried away—"

"How did you end up here?" The finder consciously interrupted.

Lenalee was caught off guard. Her muscle tensing, she loosened herself up a bit then cleared her throat. She didn't strike her as rude the few times she saw the woman at Headquarters. People were always surprising however.

"I was on a mission, Rebecca." She started again, wringing her hands and remembering her name. "We got separated."

Rebecca, the finder, showed her flat palm to Lenalee, signaling for her to stop. "Okay, just stop. I know you're lying you traitor. If we didn't get an accurate description of you from before then I would've known you were lying either way since your body pretty much betrays you."

That was when Lenalee found that people were _really_ surprising then.

The finder wasn't dumb, she just was confident she could take her on. Which was inane, therefore her being beyond stupid...

* * *

 **\- End of Chapter One -**

 **A/N** : Finally done! Man, I feel bad for not editing for the final time. This took me forever to finish though. Anyways, regarding the updates, I don't think they're going to be consistent and frequent. I'm still tweaking this story and I procrastinate a lot so this story won't be done until 2030 tops.

Honestly, until the three boys are introduced, I won't be talking about pairings for a long time I would think. Still give me pairing suggestions. They don't even have to pairing with Lenalee either.

Thanks for reading. I'm open to constructive criticism too. Review and rate please! :)


End file.
